marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
