So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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