you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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