What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
