"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
