Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
