After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
either way he was missing a nipple.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize