She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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