It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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