you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize