His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
