apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
