'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
