Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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