i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
