I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
