I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How does one acquire holy water?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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