false alarm. still invincible.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
