Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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