the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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