my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
