i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
