you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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