Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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