remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
