There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
