I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
