I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
