Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
