We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
