Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
