Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
