I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
