im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The best revenge is premature balding
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
