She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
