we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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