Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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