Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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