I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
