God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
