if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
