Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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