Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
soo... how was my night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
