I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
