the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
