they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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