This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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