you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
