oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My balls are so social today.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
