I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
