my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
