I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
