my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
