Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize