im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
