There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
