I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
