It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
