no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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