I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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