at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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