I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
