I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.