why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day