a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.