You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This is classic penis vs brain.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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