i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
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Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?