Umm I'm too high to move.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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