So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
