despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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