Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
