I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
