dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
