hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
