Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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