matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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