The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
