Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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